I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
