Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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