Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
