Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Don't EVER smell your tampon
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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