we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
