My nipple is on Facebook.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
