Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize