you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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