I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
