Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
