you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
