There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
