Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
