I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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