Moan for me like Helen Keller
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
