Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Found the puke drawer
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
