saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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