god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
