We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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