Your dad touched me again.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
