im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
