My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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