"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
