Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
