She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
