so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He? As in you personified your dick?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
