I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I cannot find my penis.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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