This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
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fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
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I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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