Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
