Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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