Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
