Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
