the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
two words...techno handjob
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
