I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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