suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
