And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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