you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
