Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
