i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
