4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
