Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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