So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
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Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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