4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
