The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
