who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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