I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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