at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
