He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
it hurts more in the daytime
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
