WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
