I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
