Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I think I just sharted jello shots
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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