Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
