he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
