we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
