We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
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