U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
