Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
She bit a glass in half.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
