But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
your thong is hanging out like whoa
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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