Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
how does that bad decision feel?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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