Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
