I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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